Things as of late are… weird. We all go to work and continue to do laundry while we watch the world catch fire on our tiny screens. I sign my kids reading log, buy an exorbitant amount of groceries and yet- here we all are just sitting, waiting for something big to happen. We are watching the world we thought we once knew fall away. I wish I could say something poetic or inspiring but there is just nothing to say.
Currently, I’m a teacher, something I picked up a few years ago and it hasn’t let me go yet. This year, for my mental health, I took somewhat of a demotion to ease the workload. It has been fantastic as long I disassociate from the numbers on my pay check. Enough money to cover the wants and needs is enough money, even if I’m the most skilled worker on this planet. On my best days I start my routine singing Days of the Week, or my personal favorite- Months of the Year. There is something about the simple routine that keeps my feet on the ground. On my hard days, I come home and sit on our swing in the back and wonder how exactly can we get back on track? how can we possibly keep moving forward in such chaos?
Everyday, regardless of all the drama that is blasted on the internet, we all wake up do what needs to be done and put ourselves to bed each night. Along the way, I’ve found it’s in the little moments of human connection that keep us hoping for a future where everyone has everything they need and we just relish in the beauty of humanity and nature.
In the meantime there are plenty of whale videos to watch when I start to fade. I can watch as many whale videos as I can stand, but there is one small whisper that won’t leave me alone. I believe I have a story to tell, a perspective to offer that may be healing for those lost in sorrow. Unfortunately, sorrow is a friend of mine and we are well acquainted. While that would make most people bow their heads and look away dying for any subject change, I like to sit with it. I am really good at sitting with a painful moment, staring it straight in the eye and willing it to move forward. Maybe not today, probably not tomorrow, but someday this all will pass.
Until then, I plan to sit here with you and take it on word by word. I hope that whatever is on my heart can encourage you through your day and in some strange way connect us. In person I’m guilty of being too much. I recently learned to say, “if I’m too much, then go find yourself less.” But there is a sting there; the realization that for some, I’m going to be too much. Too much joy, too much confidence, and most certainly too many questions. I can be brave on the internet and talk about my feels- but I’m just like you, I face micro-rejections everyday that truly have me wondering if I understand much at all. And while it doesn’t feel like I have much to say, I’m going to push past that part and enjoy writing.
I hope you enjoy reading.
I’m still learning Substack. Hi !